My idea of chilling out has always been to go out, once the dusk sets in… start with the sinking sun in nearby beach with some bosom buddy, guys you grew up with, you shared a certain vibe…in short, guys, you could sit with,without talking to…for several minutes even…without the silence grow embarrassingly stifling. I guess everyone has a buddy or two like that. Usually I prefer to go out with each of them, alone. Each one is so different in their outlook that if it gets to three, it gets awfully crowded...Well, these days with the kids and family...we don’t have the luxury of time… so we head directly to some dark-lit dens (read BAR) in town to unwind…A couple of quick gulps (the mallu-way to get high), the talk drags on….Anyway, it was in one of those great evenings I ‘discovered’ (no, I think I had known it all along, unconsciously though) my personal hero. Dad.
Listening to my buddy talk about his, my mind jogged along, throwing up images about my own…I could not help feeling the universality of this love for one’s dad. For most of us, our dad is our personal hero. If he isn’t one (to you), something ain’t right about your childhood....like you have been unfortunate in life...that’s all I can make out.
Now, this friend of mine narrates how he asked dad to name his daughter and I am sure, his dad must have been very proud. Well, my dad on the other hand, told me, ‘Your children is yours alone. You may never get a chance to name anyone, so dont waste it’. So I was proud to name mine. Though views can be different, the father-son relation is indeed special and rich.
Yet, it is also true, though we defend each other (father and son) in public, behind closed doors, we are perhaps the worst critics (of each other). I presume, it is largely driven by our love to see each other, as perfect. Without blemish.
So why is he, your hero still? For most of us, he is perhaps the first Man you saw, the one you looked up to…for almost all values you’ve picked up, this sense of right and wrong, even your idiosyncrasies. And about sacrifices…I am sure, everyone’s dad walked many more miles to school (than us), didn’t have half the comforts they have provided us to become whatever we are. But most importantly, this willingness to sacrifice further...in spite of all his principles, whatever he has been able to achieve so far, in terms of stature, wealth, everything in short...he is willing to compromise it, for you. Unconditionally. He may not be explicit (he might even threaten), but behind your back, he always tries to make things easier for you (even against his ethics!). I have a feeling, half of world’s corruption would be born out of this unconditional love for one’s offspring! The other half, perhaps, greed & love for oneself I guess.
Why this love, then? Am I so special?...To a dad, yes. Because, you are his extension. His very self. Sadly, you don’t often realize it until you becomes one yourself….and out of all this realization, springs a natural respect that overwhelms.
The challenge therefore, before me, is to become my own daughters’ hero. Sometimes I feel tense and doubtful. Bringing up your little ones is so undoubtedly the ultimate challenge and investment before most of us. It is so delicate and complicated an affair. You need to be strict and considerate, but you have no clue when exactly, you need to be considerate and strict…should you let them pursue their dreams or should you safely play conservative? Should you make them see 'your reason' or see 'their reason'...at their tender age and times….Or should you just let them be?
Sometimes I look back, at how my parents walked the tightrope, weathered the storms (that is, me and my sibling) , instilling in us the need to study, the value of principles, the importance of money...putting up with our taciturn, the ‘rebel without a cause’ attitudes...Infact, you feel nothing but gratitude. All I do is pray that their wisdom come to my aid, helping me and my children decide for ourselves, what is best for us and our family.
Is there a better way to wrap up than echo a father's eternal worry in ...To Kill a Mocking Bird where Atticus says “If this thing’s hushed up it’ll be a simple denial to Jem of the way I’ve tried to raise him. Sometimes I think I’m a total failure as a parent, but I’m all they’ve got. Before Jem looks at anyone else he looks at me, and I’ve tried to live so I can look squarely back at him... if I connived at something like this, frankly I couldn’t meet his eye, and the day I can’t do that I’ll know I’ve lost him. I don’t want to lose him and Scout, because they’re all I’ve got.”
Never fail your child.
Listening to my buddy talk about his, my mind jogged along, throwing up images about my own…I could not help feeling the universality of this love for one’s dad. For most of us, our dad is our personal hero. If he isn’t one (to you), something ain’t right about your childhood....like you have been unfortunate in life...that’s all I can make out.
Now, this friend of mine narrates how he asked dad to name his daughter and I am sure, his dad must have been very proud. Well, my dad on the other hand, told me, ‘Your children is yours alone. You may never get a chance to name anyone, so dont waste it’. So I was proud to name mine. Though views can be different, the father-son relation is indeed special and rich.
Yet, it is also true, though we defend each other (father and son) in public, behind closed doors, we are perhaps the worst critics (of each other). I presume, it is largely driven by our love to see each other, as perfect. Without blemish.
So why is he, your hero still? For most of us, he is perhaps the first Man you saw, the one you looked up to…for almost all values you’ve picked up, this sense of right and wrong, even your idiosyncrasies. And about sacrifices…I am sure, everyone’s dad walked many more miles to school (than us), didn’t have half the comforts they have provided us to become whatever we are. But most importantly, this willingness to sacrifice further...in spite of all his principles, whatever he has been able to achieve so far, in terms of stature, wealth, everything in short...he is willing to compromise it, for you. Unconditionally. He may not be explicit (he might even threaten), but behind your back, he always tries to make things easier for you (even against his ethics!). I have a feeling, half of world’s corruption would be born out of this unconditional love for one’s offspring! The other half, perhaps, greed & love for oneself I guess.
Why this love, then? Am I so special?...To a dad, yes. Because, you are his extension. His very self. Sadly, you don’t often realize it until you becomes one yourself….and out of all this realization, springs a natural respect that overwhelms.
The challenge therefore, before me, is to become my own daughters’ hero. Sometimes I feel tense and doubtful. Bringing up your little ones is so undoubtedly the ultimate challenge and investment before most of us. It is so delicate and complicated an affair. You need to be strict and considerate, but you have no clue when exactly, you need to be considerate and strict…should you let them pursue their dreams or should you safely play conservative? Should you make them see 'your reason' or see 'their reason'...at their tender age and times….Or should you just let them be?
Sometimes I look back, at how my parents walked the tightrope, weathered the storms (that is, me and my sibling) , instilling in us the need to study, the value of principles, the importance of money...putting up with our taciturn, the ‘rebel without a cause’ attitudes...Infact, you feel nothing but gratitude. All I do is pray that their wisdom come to my aid, helping me and my children decide for ourselves, what is best for us and our family.
Is there a better way to wrap up than echo a father's eternal worry in ...To Kill a Mocking Bird where Atticus says “If this thing’s hushed up it’ll be a simple denial to Jem of the way I’ve tried to raise him. Sometimes I think I’m a total failure as a parent, but I’m all they’ve got. Before Jem looks at anyone else he looks at me, and I’ve tried to live so I can look squarely back at him... if I connived at something like this, frankly I couldn’t meet his eye, and the day I can’t do that I’ll know I’ve lost him. I don’t want to lose him and Scout, because they’re all I’ve got.”
Never fail your child.
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