The ability to communicate is largely dependent on the ‘will’ to communicate. Confidence, good voice, strong words are all but secondary to the one’s willingness to communicate. The fear to share, the reluctance to reveal what one knows and be exposed, lies at the heart of the problem of communication. In fact, communication skill has always been mistaken for the ability to converse fluently in English or public speaking or the ability to write well, document well etc. But, while all that can be learnt or mastered, if you do not have the will to speak your mind, you never really get to ‘truly’ communicate.
In my humble opinion, a true communicator is one who reaches out to touch ‘mentally’, another human being. That is, the sole reason to communicate. The will to communicate what you believe and perhaps, lay bare yourself in the bargain is to me, the single most factor that makes you a real communicator.
I have only seen it happen when we converse face to face with another person. All public speaking is demagoguery to an extent. Before I get to true communication as I see it, let me suggest a few reasons why miscommunication has been the default.
First, the limitation of words, its meaning and symbolism. We all come with baggage. Our understanding of a word is naturally biased by the context we understood it. A simple word like ‘love’ can be perceived by an adult, a child, a single parent or a western/eastern differently. There would be a common ‘dictionary’ base to everything but subtle differences exist even if you share a pedantic attention to details.
Second, listening to the other person. What he is seeking. The objective is not to answer him, what you know in your biased context but to understand what he is asking in his context and mould your answer that makes sense to him. To blabber without listening is to lack sensitivity and intelligence.
But I have noticed, to my surprise and joy that, after a reasonable period of conversing with a person (say an hour), you find yourself getting to a point, where the baggage drops and you start to speak freely, frankly, with no inhibitions. When you do that, you find yourself reaching out. You touch. And You live.
I have come to realize that all other communication is your mind feeding you words and opinions to defend your image, your baggage of what you are. A manager, a senior expert or some adult. Now, that’s not communication. That’s manipulation. Listen to a child. You will realize.
My dad always told me, when someone who earnestly asks your opinion, you tell what you truly perceive. That’s the sole reason that person asked you in the first place. Safe answers ensures safety but leaves a vacuum. But when you shed yourself, get rid of your ego, you start to speak from your heart, there comes a clarity that transcends, the ‘earnestness’ is alone enough to make the other person perceive it.
You start to suspect that it is your face, your whole body, starts to communicate more than the words exchanged.
And I have always tried to live by my dad’s advice and it has given me some very rich moments, relationships that I truly cherish. I can look back, fetch memories, when I have genuinely communicated, perhaps even exposed myself mentally, but enjoyed the sharing, in giving what you have experienced. And, on all such occasions, those of you who have sat across me have appreciated and thanked me for whatever I have been to them. Of course, one may not completely accept but the ‘earnestness’ is never refused.
We all live in a world of egos and false pride that prevent us from actually communicating. Even when, this ‘gift’ is so innate in all of us.
I consider myself lucky to have realized it.
In my humble opinion, a true communicator is one who reaches out to touch ‘mentally’, another human being. That is, the sole reason to communicate. The will to communicate what you believe and perhaps, lay bare yourself in the bargain is to me, the single most factor that makes you a real communicator.
I have only seen it happen when we converse face to face with another person. All public speaking is demagoguery to an extent. Before I get to true communication as I see it, let me suggest a few reasons why miscommunication has been the default.
First, the limitation of words, its meaning and symbolism. We all come with baggage. Our understanding of a word is naturally biased by the context we understood it. A simple word like ‘love’ can be perceived by an adult, a child, a single parent or a western/eastern differently. There would be a common ‘dictionary’ base to everything but subtle differences exist even if you share a pedantic attention to details.
Second, listening to the other person. What he is seeking. The objective is not to answer him, what you know in your biased context but to understand what he is asking in his context and mould your answer that makes sense to him. To blabber without listening is to lack sensitivity and intelligence.
But I have noticed, to my surprise and joy that, after a reasonable period of conversing with a person (say an hour), you find yourself getting to a point, where the baggage drops and you start to speak freely, frankly, with no inhibitions. When you do that, you find yourself reaching out. You touch. And You live.
I have come to realize that all other communication is your mind feeding you words and opinions to defend your image, your baggage of what you are. A manager, a senior expert or some adult. Now, that’s not communication. That’s manipulation. Listen to a child. You will realize.
My dad always told me, when someone who earnestly asks your opinion, you tell what you truly perceive. That’s the sole reason that person asked you in the first place. Safe answers ensures safety but leaves a vacuum. But when you shed yourself, get rid of your ego, you start to speak from your heart, there comes a clarity that transcends, the ‘earnestness’ is alone enough to make the other person perceive it.
You start to suspect that it is your face, your whole body, starts to communicate more than the words exchanged.
And I have always tried to live by my dad’s advice and it has given me some very rich moments, relationships that I truly cherish. I can look back, fetch memories, when I have genuinely communicated, perhaps even exposed myself mentally, but enjoyed the sharing, in giving what you have experienced. And, on all such occasions, those of you who have sat across me have appreciated and thanked me for whatever I have been to them. Of course, one may not completely accept but the ‘earnestness’ is never refused.
We all live in a world of egos and false pride that prevent us from actually communicating. Even when, this ‘gift’ is so innate in all of us.
I consider myself lucky to have realized it.
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